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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2014 19:51:24 GMT -5
I just wanted everyone to know that I usually get around to reading MOST everyone's promos...but if you do want feedback from me specifically, post a request on this thread and I'll get to it as soon as possible. The system is based on a "out of 5" system. I TRY not to judge off of personal tastes and will take an objective standpoint from the reader's POV. I don't really mess around with things like style and coding, unless they really hinder the flow of the piece.
Here is the template for my reviews.
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RP:
Handler:
Overview thoughts:
RP Breakdown
Scene description:
Character Development:
Shoot:
Flow:
Overall Rating: out of 5
Critical Review:
Suggestions:
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Also, just so everyone knows...my thoughts and opinions may differ from Scorpion or Rissi or whoever does the match judging around these parts so getting a "5 out of 5" in this might not guarantee you the win in your match. My feedback is designed to help anything I may see that's off or needs a little work in your RP. I like to help other writers out for sure and this review system has seemed to help in the past.
I look forward to reading everyone's work and I hope everyone is excited to read mine as well.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2014 20:00:34 GMT -5
I'mma tell you right now, I want you to do it for every promo I post, because I never get criticism and I need it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2014 20:06:28 GMT -5
Well, I would be glad to review it!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 11:51:33 GMT -5
Don't forget!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2014 12:43:28 GMT -5
I'mma tell you right now, I want you to do it for every promo I post, because I never get criticism and I need it. Here we go. I know you didn't ask specifically for this one, but I decided to throw it out here to show everyone what they could expect from this thread. RP: The Sovereignty Part V Handler: Chris DeAngelo Overview thoughts: DeAngelo putting in work. That's why you're 7-0. RP BreakdownScene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review:There are only a few things I would do to make this get the 5 out of 5. Your CD is great and your shoot is awesome so why not mix the two? We all like the little character pieces but you should constantly be on the attack with your shoot. Never let your opponent get a chance to breathe. Especially someone like DGS. He's the World Champion and you better believe he's going to be on the attack in his piece. Plus it would make people less likely to skip over your CD pieces if it's all match relevant. Other than that, you're scene description was really well played out. It made me feel like I was in the piece and that's the most important part. Captivate your reader! You did a damn fine job of it and I had an excellent time pretending I was slapping Daniel Vega around with you. Suggestions:- Keep your shoot strong. What you had of it was excellent stuff. Just mix it in with the rest of your piece, even if it's just a character asking you about your match or how you feel about your opponent. #ALPHA_MALE - Keep up the great scene description and character development.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 15:56:50 GMT -5
Hey guys! Don't forget to utilize this feedback thread! I welcome all of you to ask.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 19:41:57 GMT -5
My RP sucks but go ahead. Tear me to shreds. Also. Take a look at my RP from trial of tears.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 20:40:26 GMT -5
My second was... putrid. But, still, judge it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 21:04:28 GMT -5
RP: Still I Rise
Handler: Silver Kazama
Overview thoughts: Silver portraying the underdog when he should be TOP DOG!
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 4
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Critical Review:
Ok, here we go.
First of all, don't be down on yourself over the quality of your RP because this one is a FANTASTIC RP! From your scene description in the locker room and the back and forth from Silver and TQ, I could feel the personal animosity growing between the two of you. That right there has character development written all over it.
Your shoot was good too. When you did strike at your opponent, you told them to step up or step out because Kazama is coming! One thing I would do is keep yourself from stroking your opponents thickness too much. If you build up your opponent too much then it's just going to make them look like the stronger fighter and more deserving of the win.
Suggestions:
- Keep your shoot strong! Maybe have one line that bulds up your opponents accomplishments, body size, feats, etc. and then come in strong and tell them it doesn't matter! Silver kazama is the mother fucking man and nobody else can even come close.
- One thing I notice a lot of people do is use the end of their last match as the opening for their RP. I think a lot of people do this to get up to that 4k - 7k word area. If it helps the piece, that's good, but I think it might do more harm then good as it keeps the idea of a loss fresh in the readers head ( aka the match judge) and it might make your guy look weak starting out the piece.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 0:55:59 GMT -5
me next! me next!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 2:05:01 GMT -5
RP: No Comment
Handler: Rose
Overview Thoughts: Grand RP which expands Rose's CD but lacks in match relevancy.
RP Breakdown
Scene Description: 5
Character Development: 5
Shoot: 3
Flow: 5
Overall Rating: 4 out of 5
Critical Review:
This is a really great story you have ironed out for Rose and I can tell this is a really established character just from this one RP. You hit on every point that can bring this character to life and you did it with excellent description and a smooth flow. I could feel the disdain she feels for Eric and the growing tension in her and Bill's relationship because of it and it was all because of how you laid it out.
The one thing I would do is sprinkle some match relevancy throughout the piece. A little ditty here and there can go a long way in the match judging process, even if it's just her feeling some confidence issues heading in to the match. Always be on the attack with your shoot too and mix it in a little bit with your CD pieces. I read through the first four segments before I got to a shoot tacked on at the end. Stuff like that will make the judge want to skip over those pieces and get to the tiny little bit at the end.
Suggestions:
- Keep the shoot strong and throughout the RP. It will go a long way with match relevance. I know you have the words inside of you. Just gotta put them on the page.
- Everything else is great. Keep up the good work.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 15:16:08 GMT -5
How about my last RP as Bash? Titled "In Full Swing."
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 16:16:46 GMT -5
On it! Also going to review Eli Sykes last two RPs.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 16:41:05 GMT -5
How about my last RP as Bash? Titled "In Full Swing." RP: In Full Swing Handler: Brandon Bash Overview thoughts: Brandon Bash being a motherfucking beast. RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 !!!Critical Review:This. This promo right here. Taking it to Alex's POV was an adventurous move but you took it, made it your own, and still never took the focus away from Bash. Very creative and it paid off. The flow never suffered from the first person to third person switches. Scene description was good and never overbearing. The shoot! The shoot was perfect. You never let up. Even when you switched to Alex's POV. The shoot was still there from Bash in the hotel room. Never give your opponents a chance to breath in the RP. You know that wrench feeling in your gut when you read an opponents shoot and you just know they killed you? That's what Bash's opponents felt when they read this RP. Suggestions
- Write RP's like this one. Always.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2014 23:10:08 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2014 2:21:06 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2014 10:35:32 GMT -5
RP: A Good Man Handler: Silver Kazama Overview thoughts: Silver's speaking up like the hashtag alpha male. RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review:I'm just going to focus on your shoot here because everything else is PERFECT! Whenever you write your shoot, you want to make sure that there is ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT in the match judges mind that you're going to walk out the winner. Even if you are the smallest guy walking in to the ring, you want your opponents to feel like they are little girls. You want to make them feel less than that...maybe like a toddler, infant, or a fetus maybe? Your shoot on Eli Sykes was perfect. You let him know the only reason he's something is because he had to send a message by taking you out of commission with that chair shot. You told him the only reason he's hot right now is because of you...but you're the water that's coming to wash it all away. I feel like the content you do have in your shoot is good...just expand on it a little bit. Don't just give the readers a basic gist of how you feel about your opponents. Take that shit and run with it. Suggestions:
- Strong shoot throughout. Keep the talk tough even if it's in your CD pieces. Silver Kazama is a guy with a lot of history, especially with Black Man. You can bring the talk tough because you were the EHWF Mayhem Champion and you're allowed too. If anyone makes you feel differently, punch them the fug out.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2014 10:50:43 GMT -5
RP: Stalemate Handler: Scott Wilson Overview thoughts: A day in the life of Scott Wilson. CD Galore. RP Breakdown
Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 4 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review:
This was a good piece. It was mostly character development (2 scenes CD/1 scene shoot) so nothing I can really say in that department. I can see that Scott Wilson is a good man at heart...he wants to help but hasn't the means to do so. I'll focus on the shoot here. Everyone's RPs kind of seem to follow the same guidelines here. It's all CD up until the shoot is tacked on at the end of the piece. I'm not saying YOU are lazy, I just feel like the concept is lazy. You can mix shoot in with all your CD pieces and I swear that it's going to feel much better to you. Whenever you reread it, you'll have no doubt that you're the man. Your thickness is not to be trifled with. I can't really tell you how to shoot since it's your character but if you do decide to make a comeback or anything, don't be afraid to explore content. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Mostly you can instinctively tell if it doesn't or not. Just mess around with it and see what fits. Suggestions:
- Don't be afraid to kill your opponents with shoot throughout the piece. It shows that you did your research beyond their character page. You should have 2 shoot scenes and 2 CD scenes or 4 CD/Shoot scenes mixed together.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2014 11:06:05 GMT -5
Thanks :3
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2014 11:15:32 GMT -5
You're welcome!
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