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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 17:52:06 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 20:25:41 GMT -5
Well I would like your thoughts on both my PPV RPs
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 22:39:55 GMT -5
RP: The Abyss | Darkness Handler: David Gideon Smith Overview Thoughts: Encompassing story that's finally coming to a head. RP Breakdown Scene description: 5 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Match Relevancy: 4 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: You and Silver have been going at it for months now. Some would say (I don't know who) that you and Silver sitting at the top of the perch is getting old...but between both of your guys promos, you have just offered some of the freshest story that we have had the privilege of reading. Seriously, no matter how this World Championship match turns out, you guys should be proud of yourselves for the sheer amount of content you guys were able to push out. With that being said, there were a few minor things that I see that could make this a more well rounded piece in terms of story/match relevance/etc. I've read back on probably all of your pieces (shoot a guy for being prepared, eh?) and I've got to say the ones that I've enjoyed the most were the ones where you mixed story/shoot/story/shoot. Whenever you're in that mode, you're a beast. It keeps the match fresh in the mind of the reader (aka, the match judge) and it doesn't make them want to skim the story just to get to the part about the match. When I was reading through, those were the promos that I enjoyed the most. I always knew exactly who you were facing in those matches. Overall, this was an awesome piece. Sorry I didn't get around to this review sooner. Been working and sheit. Suggestions: - Just what I stated above. Always keep the match fresh in the readers mind.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 22:52:15 GMT -5
RP: Full Circle Handler: Savannah Overview Thoughts: Uh... RP Breakdown Scene description: X (Didn't judge on this because it was a 1.5k word limit match) Character Development: 3 Shoot: 1 Flow: 5 Match Relevancy: 3 Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Critical Review: VERY CRITICAL REVIEW AHEAD!First, I'm going to start by saying I'm not trying to be a dick. With that out of the way...This match was for a championship. The JR Heavyweight Championship isn't the biggest belt but it's a pretty big deal to be put in a match for it. That was something you earned and it shouldn't be squandered. You had six other opponents in this match and you only mentioned one of them? (Van Jameson) Other handlers worked hard on their RP's this week and I'm sure most of them brought your name up but you could only care to bring up Van Jameson? What was so special about him that you deemed him the only name worthy to bring up in this promo? Whenever you have a word limit like 1.5k, it's especially important that you focus entirely on the match, especially one where you have seven opponents to shoot on. That's free money if you ask me. I know you want us to know more about Savannah but you have to maintain some sort of focus on the reason you're even RP'ing in the first place. Suggestions: - Keep match focus and SHOOT on your opponents. That's what will get you the W's.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:00:50 GMT -5
RP: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Handler: Rose Overview Thoughts: Funk unstuck. Whatdaheck you talking about Rose? RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 4 Flow: 5 Match Relevancy: 5 Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 Critical Review: I don't know what you're talking about when you say you're in a funk. To you, this probably isn't your best promo, but it's not the worst I've ever seen. Your story/CD was perfect. It was good that you showed us how Rose was going to handle Bill joining with Roman Quartz and I can't say I was disappointed. I could feel the hurt Rose was feeling just from the words on the page because you did an excellent job of portraying those emotions. The shoot wasn't bad either. Not your strongest shoot but it still came off tough. You tied it into your CD which was nice (the fact that you brought up the phoenix was fitting because of your characters situation). You let them know that you're the Hardcore Champion and that's how its going to stay. Suggestions: - Nothing. Keep up the good work! - If you feel like you're in a funk, ask Rissi for a week off and get the weight of the deadline off your shoulders. Trust me, it can be liberating as fuck.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:08:48 GMT -5
On phone. Feel free to critique either one of my two for this week.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:13:55 GMT -5
Interesting, given that the basic framework I write my promos to hasn't really changed since February or March. Seems I actually am slipping a little - if it's not too much trouble, could you take a look at my second, as well? ehwfv2.proboards.com/thread/6877/abyss-silenceMuch appreciated.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:23:12 GMT -5
I wouldn't say that you're slipping or that it was a bad promo or anything. I just found the ones where you kept everything intermingled made your pieces a little more powerful in the long run.
I'm chugging through these reviews so I'll probably get around to that one soon.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:29:52 GMT -5
I did dial back on that a little bit, but it was intentional. Felt too much like a heavy-handed stab at match-relevance, like I was shoehorning match references in where they didn't fit.
Thanks a ton for the feedback, by the way.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:30:36 GMT -5
Well I would like your thoughts on both my PPV RPs RP: Noon Day Bright Handler: Insidious: NG/AFH Overview Thoughts: A little too much character development. RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 1 Flow: 5 Match Relevancy: 1 Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 Critical Review: The thing I can see that is glaringly obvious was there was probably one line in this entire promo about your opponents. There was no shoot. The rest was about AFH's history in other feds, which is fine, but you need to keep some sort of focus on the match. The rest was a good tale about AFH and where he came from, but the shoot is what's going to net you the wins. Suggestions: - Work on your shoot. Explore the content.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:33:11 GMT -5
I did dial back on that a little bit, but it was intentional. Felt too much like a heavy-handed stab at match-relevance, like I was shoehorning match references in where they didn't fit. Thanks a ton for the feedback, by the way. Absolutely not! I think of it as it's cutting away for a second or maybe a voiceover type thing? Either way, when you intersperse it throughout your piece, there's a bigger build up to the end of your shoot. And you're welcome! I'm glad to do it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2014 23:48:37 GMT -5
Well I would like your thoughts on both my PPV RPs RP: NG: From the Darkness Handler: Insidious Overview Thoughts: A step up from your first promo. RP Breakdown Scene description: Character Development: 3 Shoot: 3 Flow: 3 Match Relevancy: 4 Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Critical Review: I think this one is a step up in terms of shoot. You actually mention your opponents in this one and what shoot you had was really good. I would like to see more of it. The rest of it was good stuff but it would be helpful if you kept the flashbacks to a minimum. None of that really counts towards character development because it's already happened. You were in a match for the tag team championships and you're bringing up NA match discussion from I don't know how long ago. It was all well written but not really prevalent information. Suggestions: - Stay match focused. This is a biggie for a lot of people and can be a tough thing to do.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2014 0:01:27 GMT -5
That fact he had the NA belt in the two flash back just happened to be a rather minor point to the effect I was trying to create. More tried to show that he has pulled the being Grant thing before and how he used it to get what he wanted out the management. Kinda tied in to the AFH/sav commentary in the AFH promo about not knowing what to make of the Nathaniel Grant return.
HOWever I do know that trash talking is not my best ability so kept it to what I could do well enough and that is create long term plots.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2014 0:03:05 GMT -5
On phone. Feel free to critique either one of my two for this week. RP: Darkness Has Returned Handler: Silver Kazama Overview Thoughts: “You put the Kazama Pipe on that fine ass wife of yours!” RP Breakdown Scene description: 4 Character Development: 5 Shoot: 5 Flow: 5 Match Relevancy: 5 Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Critical Review: This is a perfect example of keeping the CD/Shoot mixed together. Telling a story all while keeping focus on the match. I love how your's and David's story has finally come full circle. It's finally built up to that boiling point and we're going to find out who is the top dog. You guys did an awesome job with the build up and then both of you sold it like bawses in your promos. I seriously can't wait to see how this one ends up. Also, mark out for baby boy Kazama. Tragic that he's going to end up with that Devil Gene though. Tragic stuff indeed. Suggestions: - Nothing I can think of really or that's glaringly obvious. Keep it up!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2014 20:23:42 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2016 20:42:29 GMT -5
Am reviving.
Only 3 a week to avoid burnout.
Hit ya boy up! First come first serve!
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2016 23:22:55 GMT -5
I was hoping you would bring this around again. This is an older one but I've wanted some feedback on this one considering it's probably my favorite I've written. ehwfv2.proboards.com/thread/8594/damned
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