Post by Sah'ta Thor on Apr 17, 2024 0:26:53 GMT -5
OOC NOTE: This does get heavy and deals with some complex emotions.
~*~*~*~*~
The Last Piece
St Stephen’s Anglican Church
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
April 6th, 2024
After Final Destination Night 1
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
April 6th, 2024
After Final Destination Night 1
Isabella had left her gear bag with her husband at the Melbourne Cricket Ground after taking a post match shower. She had told him to give her some space and that she would catch up with him at their hotel room later. Then she had run literally putting her troubled emotions into putting distance between herself and ground zero of her most recent loss. That running had brought her to the steps of St Stephen’s Anglican Church.
After a moment to cool down and stretch from the run Isabella sits down on the well traveled stone steps and bows her head as sits taking deep breaths. She could feel the tears coming and knew that she couldn't stop them from coming. With trembling hands she pulls out her cell phone and makes a call putting it on speaking as rings.
Isabella Thorn: Please pick up.
The words were whispered in an emotional filled plea as the phone rang three times before it suddenly answered.
Astryd Thorn: Hey sis what is up? I thought the plan was to check in tomorrow before your flight home?
Hearing the voice of her big sister Isabella let's a relieved breath as she chokes out a few pain-filled words.
Isabella: He's truly gone.
Just choking out those words made Isabella lose the thin veneer of control her run had given her. Tears stream down her face as she starts to sob uncontrollably. Astryd could be heard moving about on the other end letting Isabella let it out for a moment. Finally she speaks up.
Astryd: What do you mean Izzy? Who is gone?
The question causes Isabella to take a deep calming breath so she can reply.
Isabella: Dad. Tonight being eliminated in the mix tag title match. The title was my last connection to Dad and it is gone. Dad is really gone.
The words barely make it out between the choking sobs. There it was laid bare for the first time. Isabella had been clinging to the memory of how the last thing her father had seen of her was as a champion in a major professional wrestling company. Now that was gone and Isabella was forced to face the fact she wasn't good enough to hold onto that piece of father's pride.
Astryd: Oh Izzy, you know that being champion wasn't the last thing you have of Dad right? So long as you are still alive to remember him he will be a part of you. You did your best out there tonight in a match that was quite literally stacked against you.
The only response is Isabella's sniffling as she forces herself to stop crying. She finally takes a deep breath.
Isabella: I know Sis but I still can't help but feel I wasn't good enough. Truthfully, I know I wasn't good enough. None of us were or Dad wouldn't have ended it like that.
Now that she wasn't crying Isabella was starting to get angry. The anger starts to seep into her voice as she continues.
Isabella: In fact, what right did Dad have to do that to me? He could have had anyone be his last opponent. He could have killed himself against anyone else. WHY DID HE PICK ME?
Isabella's last five words were yelled into the phone as angry tears started to flow down her face. The dam of pent emotions bursting forth as she sits there on the church steps.
Astryd: I don't know why he chose you Isabella. However, I am fairly sure he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't think you were strong enough to endure it.
The reality was that Astryd knew that their father hadn't wanted to ever become a burden on his family as he faded away. He had known how such things could make the surviving family members resent the one who faded away.
Astryd: Remember what Dad said about not wanting to become a burden to the family.
Isabella: I know but why did it have to be me? Kayla hates me now and refuses to talk to me. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep since Retribution and I don't know how I should feel. I am so lost Astryd and all I need right is to talk to Dad but I can't. Because I killed him live on pay per view.
By the final words Isabella starts to sob again as she breaks down again.
Astryd: Izzy you're not alone in this. Is there anyone on the tour you trust to spend time with you until you get back home? I don't want you alone and I will be there to pick you up at the airport. We will talk more then and I will help you reconnect with Kayla.
Isabella: I will call Ace and have him come get me. Even though I am not sure how much his presence will actually help right now, however, I trust him to keep me safe until I get up.
Astryd: Fair enough Izzy. He is your husband and is a good man besides. Try to share your troubles with him and let him help you. I Love you Izzy, text me when you get back to the hotel.
With that Astryd ends the call seconds before an "I Love You Sis" text comes through from Astryd. Isabella sits there for a couple of minutes as she regains most of her composure. Once this is done she scrolls through her phone to call her husband Ace to have him come pick her up.
Confessions
After a moment to cool down and stretch from the run Isabella sits down on the well traveled stone steps and bows her head as sits taking deep breaths. She could feel the tears coming and knew that she couldn't stop them from coming. With trembling hands she pulls out her cell phone and makes a call putting it on speaking as rings.
Isabella Thorn: Please pick up.
The words were whispered in an emotional filled plea as the phone rang three times before it suddenly answered.
Astryd Thorn: Hey sis what is up? I thought the plan was to check in tomorrow before your flight home?
Hearing the voice of her big sister Isabella let's a relieved breath as she chokes out a few pain-filled words.
Isabella: He's truly gone.
Just choking out those words made Isabella lose the thin veneer of control her run had given her. Tears stream down her face as she starts to sob uncontrollably. Astryd could be heard moving about on the other end letting Isabella let it out for a moment. Finally she speaks up.
Astryd: What do you mean Izzy? Who is gone?
The question causes Isabella to take a deep calming breath so she can reply.
Isabella: Dad. Tonight being eliminated in the mix tag title match. The title was my last connection to Dad and it is gone. Dad is really gone.
The words barely make it out between the choking sobs. There it was laid bare for the first time. Isabella had been clinging to the memory of how the last thing her father had seen of her was as a champion in a major professional wrestling company. Now that was gone and Isabella was forced to face the fact she wasn't good enough to hold onto that piece of father's pride.
Astryd: Oh Izzy, you know that being champion wasn't the last thing you have of Dad right? So long as you are still alive to remember him he will be a part of you. You did your best out there tonight in a match that was quite literally stacked against you.
The only response is Isabella's sniffling as she forces herself to stop crying. She finally takes a deep breath.
Isabella: I know Sis but I still can't help but feel I wasn't good enough. Truthfully, I know I wasn't good enough. None of us were or Dad wouldn't have ended it like that.
Now that she wasn't crying Isabella was starting to get angry. The anger starts to seep into her voice as she continues.
Isabella: In fact, what right did Dad have to do that to me? He could have had anyone be his last opponent. He could have killed himself against anyone else. WHY DID HE PICK ME?
Isabella's last five words were yelled into the phone as angry tears started to flow down her face. The dam of pent emotions bursting forth as she sits there on the church steps.
Astryd: I don't know why he chose you Isabella. However, I am fairly sure he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't think you were strong enough to endure it.
The reality was that Astryd knew that their father hadn't wanted to ever become a burden on his family as he faded away. He had known how such things could make the surviving family members resent the one who faded away.
Astryd: Remember what Dad said about not wanting to become a burden to the family.
Isabella: I know but why did it have to be me? Kayla hates me now and refuses to talk to me. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep since Retribution and I don't know how I should feel. I am so lost Astryd and all I need right is to talk to Dad but I can't. Because I killed him live on pay per view.
By the final words Isabella starts to sob again as she breaks down again.
Astryd: Izzy you're not alone in this. Is there anyone on the tour you trust to spend time with you until you get back home? I don't want you alone and I will be there to pick you up at the airport. We will talk more then and I will help you reconnect with Kayla.
Isabella: I will call Ace and have him come get me. Even though I am not sure how much his presence will actually help right now, however, I trust him to keep me safe until I get up.
Astryd: Fair enough Izzy. He is your husband and is a good man besides. Try to share your troubles with him and let him help you. I Love you Izzy, text me when you get back to the hotel.
With that Astryd ends the call seconds before an "I Love You Sis" text comes through from Astryd. Isabella sits there for a couple of minutes as she regains most of her composure. Once this is done she scrolls through her phone to call her husband Ace to have him come pick her up.
Confessions
Harry Reid International Airport
Las Vegas, Nevada
April 9th, 2024
11:46 pm
Las Vegas, Nevada
April 9th, 2024
11:46 pm
The flight back from Melbourne had been uneventful for the now former champion Isabella Thorn. She had spent the rest of her time Down Under with her husband Ace trying to appreciate the sites and tourist spots. Yet, even for all of that the conversation she had with Astryd after her Final Destination match still weighed on her. On the flight home she had told Ace that she needed a few days with her family to sort through a few things. While he had wanted to come along he also understood that things hadn't been the same since Retribution. So when Isabella had deplaned in Las Vegas her husband had continued on to their shared home in San Antonio.
Luckily for Isabella getting her luggage was hassle free though she had been stopped to sign a few autographs and take a few pictures by some fans. Which is why she was just coming out of the airport terminal pulling her roller bag behind her. She hid it well but she was tired to the bone and just wanted to sleep. Though her nightmares kept her from getting more than a couple hours of rest at a time. Something that had only gotten worse the last couple of nights. As she steps outside into the still warm air and can't help but smile as she sees Astryd's dark metallic purple with black racing stripes 2018 Dodge Charger Hellcat sitting on the curb.
Isabella walks towards the car quickly and then taps on the passenger window to get Astryd's attention. Astryd lowers the window to show she had heard the tap. As she does this Astryd unlocks the back door which Isabella opens and shoves her bag into the back seat. She closes the door and then opens up the passenger door sliding into the car. Once Isabella is done shutting the door and pulling the seat belt into place Astryd starts driving from the airport.
Astryd: How are you doing after the flight Izzy?
Isabella could hear the slight concern in her sister's voice as she settled into the seat.
Isabella: The flight went well and surprisingly my luggage is a much lighter so there is that.
The reply was spoken with a hint of self deprecating humor. Though behind the hint of humor there was a raw vulnerability that the much more experienced Astryd picked up on instantly.
Astryd: Well that is the way of it but I remember those days well enough. Losing a championship sure does make traveling so much easier. Though admittedly I know that doesn't make the hunger to be a champion any less.
Isabella: Oh I fully plan on holding gold again before too much longer. After all, there are a bunch of new opportunities to do just after the way Final Destination ended. Who knows, maybe Rissi 's injury at the end of night two might open up a spot for me there again.
By this time Astryd had gotten on to the highway and was heading out towards her Calico Ridge area home.
Astryd: I assume you saw the card for the next Mayhem show. Oh and are you hungry Izzy?
Isabella: Yeah I could eat something. Let's indulge in something greasy and I will just go a little harder in my next workout. As for the next card, yeah I saw I am getting a shot against Zoe in a triple threat with Azzura for the EHWF Hardcore Championship.
Astryd knew just the place to go even this late in the night. It would be a short detour on their trip home but it was something that needed to be done. Even more so considering the surprise that waited for Isabella at home.
Astryd: Of course, I know the place Izzy. So how you feeling about your next match?
Isabella: Well, I don't know what to think about it just yet Astryd. All I do know is that it seems Zoe and I have our careers intertwined. I mean it was Zoe I beat at Meltdown 2023 for the vacant Jr. Heavyweight Championship. Though we both know that Ace cashed in me right after and well that is the start of that as they say.
Astryd: Yeah I had wondered if that night played into your marrying him. Not that you are shy about taking what you want when you see it. After all, look at your career and the fact you are the youngest talent on the EWHF roster and have already won three titles in the last year. Next Mayhem is just your next chance at holding gold again and I know you have it in you to win but we can talk more about that later.
There is a companionable silence between the pair as they sit there for the next couple of minutes while Astryd focuses on navigating the streets. Isabella finally gives a huge sigh while looking out the window before speaking slightly.
Isabella: I just wish Dad could see me now.
Astryd: I know Izzy I miss him too but you know he would be proud of you.
Isabella: Yeah, but why does part of me hate him?
There is a haunted pained tone to Isabella's question that makes Astryd pull into a nearby parking lot to focus on the conversation. Once parked Astryd turns to look at her adopted sister with a sad smile on her lips.
Astryd: I would be worried if some part of you didn't hate him, Izzy. I will be honest with you about what you mean. You know the family history with how Sujir and I grew up and the relationship between our parents. When Dad first left there was a long time where I didn't know what I did wrong. I was way too young to understand why Dad wasn't around anymore and all mom would say was that she had found us a better daddy. I didn't get until much later what had happened. In that confusion and pain I know some hatred grew inside of me. I honestly didn't get how messed up things were and even after hearing Dad's side of it I still don't get all of it. After we moved in with Dad and his second wife I saw some of the way a loving marriage should be. Well that was until stepmother number 1 left out of the blue and took my three younger siblings with her. I haven't heard from Cedwyg, Morrigan, or Conner in 29 years.
The admission was one that contained its own pain but for the moment Astryd was sharing all of this with Isabella to try and help her deal with the death of their father.
Astryd: You should have seen Dad that day Izzy. Even as young as I was then I could tell his entire world had shattered. So when he left Sujir and I with our Uncle I got part of it though I admit I was still too young at the time to know Dad did the best thing he could for us by walking away to get himself in order. It was only years later that I learned the true depths of what Dad did to try and fix things with my mother. I know I have a brother and sister named Sara and Caleb in England who will be 24 next month. However, we both know that didn't work out and Dad took years to get to a point he was able to function. He has been quite open about all of this, yet I let me tell you my thoughts on all this.
Astryd stops to take a breath as she watches Isabella's face for a reaction.
Astryd: When things fell apart for good between my mother and Dad I was about your age and could see things more clearly. I still wasn't as wise as I am now so I had a lot of resentment about how things went down and only after seeing how things turned out in the long run have I been able to let go of the hate from that time. I know I am probably not making sense really but I am getting to my point.
Isabella just nods knowing there was a point to this conversation and that Astryd was trying to help her through things.
Astryd: You know I have actually envied you and the relationship you had with Dad. I know he did the best he could for Sujir and I over the years but you were able to get him after all the trauma he caused us. Of course, we both know how Dad felt about Kayla and Soreno. I have to admit there were some days I just wanted to explode at the way he doted on all of you. Though I know that is selfish on my part and I know you represent a time in his life where Dad was more settled in who he was meant to be.
Isabella: I never meant to make you feel like I was taking Dad away from you Astryd.
Isabella cuts in with a touch of quilt in her tone. Astryd shakes her head and holds up a hand to forestall further comment.
Astryd: I didn't say you did Izzy. To be completely honest being your big sister has been one of the greatest joys I have had in this world. No, what I am trying to say, in my own poor way, is that feeling anger towards a parent is normal. The question is figuring out why exactly you are feeling that way and then how to deal with those feelings.
Isabella: I get what you are saying but honestly, I don't really know what I am feeling. I know there is anger, resentment, and rage mixed into the pain and guilt of everything. Then there is the fact I am barely functioning between the naps I am able to get between nightmares.
Isabella trails off as she holds up her hands for a few seconds while trying to find her next words. Finally the words tumble out in a pained confusion.
Isabella: Only thing I really understand right now is wrestling. The rush of things between the bells as I fight to leave the victor. Lately the only time I am at peace is when I am fighting.
Astryd: I understand what you are getting at Izzy but know that you aren't alone in any of this. Though funny you should mention fighting like that.
Isabella: What do you mean by that?
Astryd: Oh that is an interesting conversation. I assume you aren't caught up with the family news. Seems like Kayla was being bullied about dad for the last couple of months. Something was said about dad not being able to come to the upcoming career day and Kalya snapped on one of the bullies shattering the girl's nose and cheekbone needing reconstructive surgery. One of her accomplices tried to pull Kalya off the girl as Soreno came out of the weight room to see what was happening. Soreno charged the boy and shoulder checked him before punching him in the mouth dislodging his jaw. The principal suspended them until Monday with the caveat that they both get counseling. Fortunately there were enough witnesses to the bullying that criminal charges aren't being pursued but it has shaken them both up.
Isabella knew how teens the twins age could be so hearing of the bullying made a few things click about the Easter holiday.
Isabella: How are they? I will have to call them in the morning.
Astryd: Well they are strong fighters like their parents but I know your talking to them will do a world of good. Also about calling them in the morning, I wanted this to be a surprise but I went up and got them while you were in Melbourne. Sujir is hosting a boys night with Soreno, Soren, and Nigel while Ivy, Geal and Kayla are waiting at the house.
Isabella: What if Kayla doesn't want to talk to me?
Astryd: Oh I think she will be more than happy to talk to you but you are going to have to let her in on how you are feeling. She doesn't think you are hurting from all of this. I am not sure how to she came to that conclusion but she is really hurting and the bullying hasn't helped any.
Isabella: I hope you are right Astryd, but I am too hungry to think about that now. I need a burger and some ice cream therapy.
Astryd just chuckles hearing the slightly lighter tone in Isabella's voice. A couple minutes later Astryd is pulling her car back onto the streets heading towards the fast food place she had in mind. As she drove she knew the first step toward long term healing had begun.
Luckily for Isabella getting her luggage was hassle free though she had been stopped to sign a few autographs and take a few pictures by some fans. Which is why she was just coming out of the airport terminal pulling her roller bag behind her. She hid it well but she was tired to the bone and just wanted to sleep. Though her nightmares kept her from getting more than a couple hours of rest at a time. Something that had only gotten worse the last couple of nights. As she steps outside into the still warm air and can't help but smile as she sees Astryd's dark metallic purple with black racing stripes 2018 Dodge Charger Hellcat sitting on the curb.
Isabella walks towards the car quickly and then taps on the passenger window to get Astryd's attention. Astryd lowers the window to show she had heard the tap. As she does this Astryd unlocks the back door which Isabella opens and shoves her bag into the back seat. She closes the door and then opens up the passenger door sliding into the car. Once Isabella is done shutting the door and pulling the seat belt into place Astryd starts driving from the airport.
Astryd: How are you doing after the flight Izzy?
Isabella could hear the slight concern in her sister's voice as she settled into the seat.
Isabella: The flight went well and surprisingly my luggage is a much lighter so there is that.
The reply was spoken with a hint of self deprecating humor. Though behind the hint of humor there was a raw vulnerability that the much more experienced Astryd picked up on instantly.
Astryd: Well that is the way of it but I remember those days well enough. Losing a championship sure does make traveling so much easier. Though admittedly I know that doesn't make the hunger to be a champion any less.
Isabella: Oh I fully plan on holding gold again before too much longer. After all, there are a bunch of new opportunities to do just after the way Final Destination ended. Who knows, maybe Rissi 's injury at the end of night two might open up a spot for me there again.
By this time Astryd had gotten on to the highway and was heading out towards her Calico Ridge area home.
Astryd: I assume you saw the card for the next Mayhem show. Oh and are you hungry Izzy?
Isabella: Yeah I could eat something. Let's indulge in something greasy and I will just go a little harder in my next workout. As for the next card, yeah I saw I am getting a shot against Zoe in a triple threat with Azzura for the EHWF Hardcore Championship.
Astryd knew just the place to go even this late in the night. It would be a short detour on their trip home but it was something that needed to be done. Even more so considering the surprise that waited for Isabella at home.
Astryd: Of course, I know the place Izzy. So how you feeling about your next match?
Isabella: Well, I don't know what to think about it just yet Astryd. All I do know is that it seems Zoe and I have our careers intertwined. I mean it was Zoe I beat at Meltdown 2023 for the vacant Jr. Heavyweight Championship. Though we both know that Ace cashed in me right after and well that is the start of that as they say.
Astryd: Yeah I had wondered if that night played into your marrying him. Not that you are shy about taking what you want when you see it. After all, look at your career and the fact you are the youngest talent on the EWHF roster and have already won three titles in the last year. Next Mayhem is just your next chance at holding gold again and I know you have it in you to win but we can talk more about that later.
There is a companionable silence between the pair as they sit there for the next couple of minutes while Astryd focuses on navigating the streets. Isabella finally gives a huge sigh while looking out the window before speaking slightly.
Isabella: I just wish Dad could see me now.
Astryd: I know Izzy I miss him too but you know he would be proud of you.
Isabella: Yeah, but why does part of me hate him?
There is a haunted pained tone to Isabella's question that makes Astryd pull into a nearby parking lot to focus on the conversation. Once parked Astryd turns to look at her adopted sister with a sad smile on her lips.
Astryd: I would be worried if some part of you didn't hate him, Izzy. I will be honest with you about what you mean. You know the family history with how Sujir and I grew up and the relationship between our parents. When Dad first left there was a long time where I didn't know what I did wrong. I was way too young to understand why Dad wasn't around anymore and all mom would say was that she had found us a better daddy. I didn't get until much later what had happened. In that confusion and pain I know some hatred grew inside of me. I honestly didn't get how messed up things were and even after hearing Dad's side of it I still don't get all of it. After we moved in with Dad and his second wife I saw some of the way a loving marriage should be. Well that was until stepmother number 1 left out of the blue and took my three younger siblings with her. I haven't heard from Cedwyg, Morrigan, or Conner in 29 years.
The admission was one that contained its own pain but for the moment Astryd was sharing all of this with Isabella to try and help her deal with the death of their father.
Astryd: You should have seen Dad that day Izzy. Even as young as I was then I could tell his entire world had shattered. So when he left Sujir and I with our Uncle I got part of it though I admit I was still too young at the time to know Dad did the best thing he could for us by walking away to get himself in order. It was only years later that I learned the true depths of what Dad did to try and fix things with my mother. I know I have a brother and sister named Sara and Caleb in England who will be 24 next month. However, we both know that didn't work out and Dad took years to get to a point he was able to function. He has been quite open about all of this, yet I let me tell you my thoughts on all this.
Astryd stops to take a breath as she watches Isabella's face for a reaction.
Astryd: When things fell apart for good between my mother and Dad I was about your age and could see things more clearly. I still wasn't as wise as I am now so I had a lot of resentment about how things went down and only after seeing how things turned out in the long run have I been able to let go of the hate from that time. I know I am probably not making sense really but I am getting to my point.
Isabella just nods knowing there was a point to this conversation and that Astryd was trying to help her through things.
Astryd: You know I have actually envied you and the relationship you had with Dad. I know he did the best he could for Sujir and I over the years but you were able to get him after all the trauma he caused us. Of course, we both know how Dad felt about Kayla and Soreno. I have to admit there were some days I just wanted to explode at the way he doted on all of you. Though I know that is selfish on my part and I know you represent a time in his life where Dad was more settled in who he was meant to be.
Isabella: I never meant to make you feel like I was taking Dad away from you Astryd.
Isabella cuts in with a touch of quilt in her tone. Astryd shakes her head and holds up a hand to forestall further comment.
Astryd: I didn't say you did Izzy. To be completely honest being your big sister has been one of the greatest joys I have had in this world. No, what I am trying to say, in my own poor way, is that feeling anger towards a parent is normal. The question is figuring out why exactly you are feeling that way and then how to deal with those feelings.
Isabella: I get what you are saying but honestly, I don't really know what I am feeling. I know there is anger, resentment, and rage mixed into the pain and guilt of everything. Then there is the fact I am barely functioning between the naps I am able to get between nightmares.
Isabella trails off as she holds up her hands for a few seconds while trying to find her next words. Finally the words tumble out in a pained confusion.
Isabella: Only thing I really understand right now is wrestling. The rush of things between the bells as I fight to leave the victor. Lately the only time I am at peace is when I am fighting.
Astryd: I understand what you are getting at Izzy but know that you aren't alone in any of this. Though funny you should mention fighting like that.
Isabella: What do you mean by that?
Astryd: Oh that is an interesting conversation. I assume you aren't caught up with the family news. Seems like Kayla was being bullied about dad for the last couple of months. Something was said about dad not being able to come to the upcoming career day and Kalya snapped on one of the bullies shattering the girl's nose and cheekbone needing reconstructive surgery. One of her accomplices tried to pull Kalya off the girl as Soreno came out of the weight room to see what was happening. Soreno charged the boy and shoulder checked him before punching him in the mouth dislodging his jaw. The principal suspended them until Monday with the caveat that they both get counseling. Fortunately there were enough witnesses to the bullying that criminal charges aren't being pursued but it has shaken them both up.
Isabella knew how teens the twins age could be so hearing of the bullying made a few things click about the Easter holiday.
Isabella: How are they? I will have to call them in the morning.
Astryd: Well they are strong fighters like their parents but I know your talking to them will do a world of good. Also about calling them in the morning, I wanted this to be a surprise but I went up and got them while you were in Melbourne. Sujir is hosting a boys night with Soreno, Soren, and Nigel while Ivy, Geal and Kayla are waiting at the house.
Isabella: What if Kayla doesn't want to talk to me?
Astryd: Oh I think she will be more than happy to talk to you but you are going to have to let her in on how you are feeling. She doesn't think you are hurting from all of this. I am not sure how to she came to that conclusion but she is really hurting and the bullying hasn't helped any.
Isabella: I hope you are right Astryd, but I am too hungry to think about that now. I need a burger and some ice cream therapy.
Astryd just chuckles hearing the slightly lighter tone in Isabella's voice. A couple minutes later Astryd is pulling her car back onto the streets heading towards the fast food place she had in mind. As she drove she knew the first step toward long term healing had begun.