RP feedback needed

[Deleted]

To be honest, I'm getting lost of where I'm struggling right now with my stuff. Can you guys tell me where I need work because I know I can't find anything wrong with my last RP. Forget the Challenge title RP as to be bluntly honest, that RP was one of the worst I've written here, but I'm talking about my other RP's with Lord Raab that you guys may think I need to work on? Thanks for the suggestions I'll get.

[Deleted]

Repetitiveness, better sentence structure, better command of the language when it deals with description.

My intent isn't meant to be malicious as I Know my shortness can be translated as such. This is one of the reasons I don't like public RP feedback, especially in a RP based fed.

I'll gladly discuss it in depth privately though.

Tate

[Deleted]

I can do the very same if you'd like. If you have any specific questions I would be happy to answer if you're looking for another opinion as well. My main point just as a general statement rather than to run in depth would be to focus on your grammar and focus on the basics of it. A lot of times simple grammar can hinder a fantastic RP. Nobody wants to read a choppy RP, but if you would like information you can send me a message. I know if I post it here it might come of as condescending and potentially malicious as well, so I'd rather refrain from creating an issue.

I want to see everyone succeed and get better from week to week and I'd be more than willing to help to the best of my ability.

[Deleted]

Try to commit a little more time towards the structure of your RP. I mean, you should make it a little less bunched up and a little neater and easier to read.

Take your time and reread your work after you're finished writing up. You wouldn't believe how many typos you find after rereading your work.

I'm seeing improvements in your work, but switching up the character here and there is the difference maker. Take a risk and try to bring new life to your characters by not keeping their actions and characteristics one dimensional. It's hard trying to find new material for characters we've been using for a while now, but if you can pull it off, trust me, it can make a huge difference in the result of your match.

Character development is big, but try your best to nail your shoot on your opponents. Make the reader believe in your character by giving your character the ability to persuade the reader that he's going to win. A strong shoot can go a long way with the judges.

Everyone here gave you some solid advice. Keep brainstorming and trying to bring in new ideas to keep your material fresh and exciting. You're doing well here and I personally enjoy your work.  You're consistent and that's half the battle.

Hopefully, you find this post helpful. Feel free to message someone if you want advice. There's a ton of people on here who could give you some outstanding advice about writing. I'm not a professional and I too have a lot of flaws, but you're headed in the right direction. 

- Bill.

[Deleted]

Also, there are also grammar apps you can download to help with spelling, grammar, and proper punctuation placement.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the help guys. I will PM you all together during the Christmas break so I don't have to go through different PM's. Na, none of you are brutal at all as I've had worse feedback before.

I also asked not to be booked for the Christmas show for this reason of me struggling.