Post by Ana Somnia on Jun 9, 2020 19:34:23 GMT -5
IV.
CABIN ON LAKE BLUE RIDGE.
BLUE RIDGE, GEORGIA.
MONDAY, JUNE 1st.
11:03 p.m.
CABIN ON LAKE BLUE RIDGE.
BLUE RIDGE, GEORGIA.
MONDAY, JUNE 1st.
11:03 p.m.
Crack.
Flame dances out of a circular pit surrounded by rocks, guiding small, fading embers into the air as if called upon in rapture. Ever-so-faintly, one can hear the sound of the lake water lapping against the shore in the background, though it is the soft, almost low, humming timbre of the voices of two women. With an assembly of Adirondack chairs of various reclining degrees stationed surrounding the fire pit and beside a wooden picnic table, the area exterior to the cabin Sara Daniels had rented for Anastasia Westen’s twenty-eighth birthday tomorrow offers a warmer oasis apart from the slightly chilly night’s breeze creeping out from over the lake. In light of the relative comfortability as far as temperature is concerned, both Westen and Daniels appear to be engaged in an entertaining conversation, a far cry from their tension-filled dialogue this morning. As a provocative and amused expression matriculates across Sara’s sultry visage, Ana nods with a hearty laugh and tilts her head back, swinging a bottle of vodka upside-down to take a quite large swig or two. She then extends her arm toward Sara, handing her the bottle before licking her lips of the residual liquor and rising to her feet. Taking a similarly-sized gulp or two of the bottle, Sara fondly watches Ana pull her sweatshirt off and toss it on the chair in which she had just been sitting. With haste, she pries her top off and drops her sweatpants, beckoning for Daniels to do the same. Unsurprisingly, the Johannesburg native rises to her feet and obliges, handing the bottle back to Ana for her to take one last swig before taking off running?! Daniels exclaims and jubilantly chases after her after disrobing, eventually catching up to Ana and tackling her into the lake with their high-spirited laughter echoing across the surface of the water.
After spending some time having drunken fun in the admittedly chilly water, splashing one another and various other entertaining activities, the two saunter out of the lake onto dry land and are immediately shredded by the scathingly cold breeze overwhelming them, though it would certainly feel less cold were they neither wet nor unclad. Upon enduring the sharp gust, Ana and Sara sprint back up to the cabin, leaving a trail of lake water in their wake as they hasten inside and retrieve towels to dry off with. Once dry, they pull the clothing they had left behind back on and use the towels to try to dry their hair as much as possible. With relaxation spreading across her demeanor, Daniels retrieves the bottle of vodka they had been sharing and plops down onto one of the chairs, twisting the top of the bottle off to take another swig as Somnia tosses the towel onto the chair she had been sitting in prior, instead opting to step over to Daniels and take a seat on her lap, perpendicular to the orientation of the chair beneath them. As Sara lowers her chin and pulls the bottle away from her lips, she looks up into Ana’s eyes and smiles warmly; the Dallas native responds by taking the bottle from her and taking another swig, herself, without breaking eye contact. From here, Westen leans her head forward and presses her forehead against Sara’s, closing her eyes to bite the inside of her own bottom lip.
“Thank you for this, Dani. I’m not… I don’t know how to show ya’ how sorry I am about everythin’ that’s been goin’ on an’ I ju—”
Sara pulls her head back and looks into Ana’s eyes again, though this time seemingly frustrated.
“I don’t wanna’ talk about this right now, Ana. We’re here havin’ a great time, far away from our jobs, our friends, our problems... Why change what’s workin’ right now?”
“I was tryin’ to apologize, I’m sorry.”
“We can talk about it later, okay? I’m just enjoyin’ sittin’ here with you an’ I don’t wanna’ give that up just yet… It’s… It’s nice.”
Ana sighs softly and, dejected, bows her head.
“Tomorrow?”
“What? You wanna’ talk about all of this shit on your fuckin’ birthday? Why... Why would you wanna’ do that?”
“Because it’s important to me an’ it ain’t exactly somethin’ we can get away with not addressin’, don’t ya’ think?”
“I ain’t disagreein’ with you, Ana… It’s your birthday tomorrow, so if that’s when ya’ wanna’ talk about it then that’s when we’ll talk about it. For right now, though, let’s just… Lie back an’ relax. We’ve been travellin’ all damn day, we deserve to put our feet up.”
A smile pushes across Ana’s face and she leans to the side, curling up on top of Sara’s lap and leaning on her for maximum comfort. Daniels wraps her arms around Westen and, with her left hand, plays with Ana’s hair while looking up into the night sky, clearer than it might be in more heavily populated areas. The South African admires the beauty in the stars, while Westen watches Sara watch the sky, admiring the beauty in her instead.
Flame dances out of a circular pit surrounded by rocks, guiding small, fading embers into the air as if called upon in rapture. Ever-so-faintly, one can hear the sound of the lake water lapping against the shore in the background, though it is the soft, almost low, humming timbre of the voices of two women. With an assembly of Adirondack chairs of various reclining degrees stationed surrounding the fire pit and beside a wooden picnic table, the area exterior to the cabin Sara Daniels had rented for Anastasia Westen’s twenty-eighth birthday tomorrow offers a warmer oasis apart from the slightly chilly night’s breeze creeping out from over the lake. In light of the relative comfortability as far as temperature is concerned, both Westen and Daniels appear to be engaged in an entertaining conversation, a far cry from their tension-filled dialogue this morning. As a provocative and amused expression matriculates across Sara’s sultry visage, Ana nods with a hearty laugh and tilts her head back, swinging a bottle of vodka upside-down to take a quite large swig or two. She then extends her arm toward Sara, handing her the bottle before licking her lips of the residual liquor and rising to her feet. Taking a similarly-sized gulp or two of the bottle, Sara fondly watches Ana pull her sweatshirt off and toss it on the chair in which she had just been sitting. With haste, she pries her top off and drops her sweatpants, beckoning for Daniels to do the same. Unsurprisingly, the Johannesburg native rises to her feet and obliges, handing the bottle back to Ana for her to take one last swig before taking off running?! Daniels exclaims and jubilantly chases after her after disrobing, eventually catching up to Ana and tackling her into the lake with their high-spirited laughter echoing across the surface of the water.
After spending some time having drunken fun in the admittedly chilly water, splashing one another and various other entertaining activities, the two saunter out of the lake onto dry land and are immediately shredded by the scathingly cold breeze overwhelming them, though it would certainly feel less cold were they neither wet nor unclad. Upon enduring the sharp gust, Ana and Sara sprint back up to the cabin, leaving a trail of lake water in their wake as they hasten inside and retrieve towels to dry off with. Once dry, they pull the clothing they had left behind back on and use the towels to try to dry their hair as much as possible. With relaxation spreading across her demeanor, Daniels retrieves the bottle of vodka they had been sharing and plops down onto one of the chairs, twisting the top of the bottle off to take another swig as Somnia tosses the towel onto the chair she had been sitting in prior, instead opting to step over to Daniels and take a seat on her lap, perpendicular to the orientation of the chair beneath them. As Sara lowers her chin and pulls the bottle away from her lips, she looks up into Ana’s eyes and smiles warmly; the Dallas native responds by taking the bottle from her and taking another swig, herself, without breaking eye contact. From here, Westen leans her head forward and presses her forehead against Sara’s, closing her eyes to bite the inside of her own bottom lip.
“Thank you for this, Dani. I’m not… I don’t know how to show ya’ how sorry I am about everythin’ that’s been goin’ on an’ I ju—”
Sara pulls her head back and looks into Ana’s eyes again, though this time seemingly frustrated.
“I don’t wanna’ talk about this right now, Ana. We’re here havin’ a great time, far away from our jobs, our friends, our problems... Why change what’s workin’ right now?”
“I was tryin’ to apologize, I’m sorry.”
“We can talk about it later, okay? I’m just enjoyin’ sittin’ here with you an’ I don’t wanna’ give that up just yet… It’s… It’s nice.”
Ana sighs softly and, dejected, bows her head.
“Tomorrow?”
“What? You wanna’ talk about all of this shit on your fuckin’ birthday? Why... Why would you wanna’ do that?”
“Because it’s important to me an’ it ain’t exactly somethin’ we can get away with not addressin’, don’t ya’ think?”
“I ain’t disagreein’ with you, Ana… It’s your birthday tomorrow, so if that’s when ya’ wanna’ talk about it then that’s when we’ll talk about it. For right now, though, let’s just… Lie back an’ relax. We’ve been travellin’ all damn day, we deserve to put our feet up.”
A smile pushes across Ana’s face and she leans to the side, curling up on top of Sara’s lap and leaning on her for maximum comfort. Daniels wraps her arms around Westen and, with her left hand, plays with Ana’s hair while looking up into the night sky, clearer than it might be in more heavily populated areas. The South African admires the beauty in the stars, while Westen watches Sara watch the sky, admiring the beauty in her instead.
V.
CABIN ON LAKE BLUE RIDGE.
BLUE RIDGE, GEORGIA.
TUESDAY, JUNE 2nd.
9:07 a.m.
CABIN ON LAKE BLUE RIDGE.
BLUE RIDGE, GEORGIA.
TUESDAY, JUNE 2nd.
9:07 a.m.
A burning sensation on the exterior of Anastasia Westen’s eyelids wakens her with a start. Before she is even capable of opening her eyes to brave the bright light of a new day, her face twists and contorts into a tortured grimace. She sits up slightly, using an arm extended out behind her to prop herself up, and uses her free hand to apply pressure to her forehead, an ever-so-slight hangover combining with the fifteen plus hours of travel yesterday to make her feel as if her brain is vibrating. Not longer after, a scent dances under her nose and she draws a deep breath, recognizing the scent as that of her favorite breakfast foods. Furrowing her brow, Ana slides to the edge of the bed and swings her legs down to place her feet on the carpet below, but just as she is poised to rise to her feet to pursue the smell, the door to the bedroom swings open and Sara Daniels saunters through the doorway. She carries a tray with a feast of breakfast foods and beverages with a flower from outside the cabin in the center, balancing everything quite well before setting it down on a dresser to scowl at Ana.
“Nope. Get right back on in bed. You’re not goin’ anywhere yet.”
As she furrows her brow in puzzlement, Westen tilts her head slightly to the side to further illustrate her confusion. Considering how recently she had awoken from her drunken hibernation, her state of misunderstanding is not surprising. Daniels pulls a small table over to the side of the bed and then moves the tray of breakfast foods and beverages from the dresser to the table for ease of access. She hops into the bed beside Ana before curling up against her with a small smile.
“Happy birthday, любовь.”
Westen’s eyes instantly flick to meet Sara’s gaze upon Daniels’s usage of Ana’s family’s native language, an uncommon occurrence and incredibly welcomed at the moment. It is hereafter wherein Westen and Daniels dive mouths-first into the feast of a birthday breakfast, heavy on the bacon. By the time either woman is content to conclude their meal, there is barely anything remaining on the tray, save for the flower still resting in the center, and both women slide back onto the bed to recline, digest, and relax a bit before getting their day together truly started. Before long, however, their digestive-inspired silence allows their minds to drift off into thought. Eventually, Ana turns to Sara and grimaces, perceiving the dismay creeping across Daniels’s fair features to be an understanding of what is to come next.
“Thank you for breakfast, моя муза,” she says. “It was amazin’, an’ unexpected, too. Just sittin’ here with you, eatin’ that breakfast, an’ now lyin’ here next to you, it… It makes me think there ain’t any better a time for us to… Talk. You promised me we could talk ‘bout it all today, an’ I wanna’ talk about it right now. It ain’t been easy without you the last couple’a weeks, Dani. It’s given me a lotta’ time to think, an’ right now we’re both calm an’ relaxed… Will ya’ talk to me about this? Please?”
It is now Sara’s turn to grimace, allowing herself to contemplate for perhaps a moment too long, as Somnia’s face grows dire and her eyes drift away from Sara. Daniels soon sighs softly and takes Ana’s hand in her own, meeting her eye-line to respond.
“Aight, we can talk about it right now; but, Ana?” Her eyebrow lifts as Somnia waits for Sara to say what she needs to say. “You gotta’ let me go first an’ you gotta’ let me say everythin’ I gotta’ say...”
Ana nods in response, not offering anything in the way of a verbal acknowledgement. Her silence beckons to Daniels to simply get everything off of her chest that she needs to get out of her system, and she hastily obliges.
“I ain’t the kinda’ girl to ever let anyone in. You knew that from the start, but you didn’t give a shit. From the very beginnin’, Ana, you were different. I could say whatever to you, do whatever to you, an’ no matter what either of us did, I couldn’t get enough. It was like my skin vibrated just from bein’ around you or somethin’, an’ I pushed through everythin’ I got goin’ on in my own head to be with you, to let you in… An’ no matter what kinda’ fights we’ve gotten into, be ‘em throwin’ fists through each other’s gorgeous mugs or us gettin’ into it over somethin’ an’ one of us storms out… No matter what it was, you an’ me? We’ve made it through it. The two of us are fuckin’ bitchin’ in the ring, in the octagon, the cage, or wherever we’re fightin’... An’ since you an’ I got together, it’s felt like we could be even stronger together than we ever were apart. But...”
The pause Sara takes after this transitionary utterance supplies foreboding to the impending sentiment, sending a chill down Ana’s spine.
“I don’t know what it is, but lately? Lately things ain’t been that great. It’s not like I love ya’ any less or anythin’ like that, it’s just… Whether it’s been what’s goin’ on for you in the ring in any of these companies you’re competin’ for, the flirty bullshit ‘tween you an’ Jon, or even just the way you’ve been takin’ me for granted, it’s felt… Different. An’ I’m not talkin’ ‘bout the kinda’ different that you were when we found each other...”
Thankfully for Westen, there are no cameras in sight to record her eyes as they well up. She blinks to try to maintain her composure as Sara continues.
“I love you, Ana… I just don’t want us to keep goin’ down this path we seem to be on. I want us to get back to bein’ us... You’ve felt like a completely different fuckin’ person these last few months… Colder, more distant… An’ I feel like such a pussy for sayin’ all of this, much less thinkin’ or feelin’ it… But I can’t keep doin’ this with you without you knowin’ where I’m at.”
“Why’s it soundin’ like you’re workin’ toward breakin’ up with me?”
“I’m not, Ana, c’mon... That’s all I needed to say, though… So if you’ve got anythin’ to say, now’s the time.”
Ana nods and looks away for a moment, not realizing she has lifted her outside hand to press her knuckles into her lips and chin in contemplation. The longer she sits there thinking, the more nervous Sara grows, which, in turn, serves only to stress Westen out further. After doing her best to block out Daniels’s demeanor from her peripheral, Ana nods her head and turns back to her girlfriend. With a frog in her throat, Ana offers a soft, almost inaudible response.
“You’re right.”
Sara furrows her brow.
“I said I’ve been doin’ a whole lotta’ thinkin’ on it lately, Dani, an’ I meant it. Somethin’ you said the night you left before Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em, it… It stuck with me. Every night you’ve been gone since what happened with Hayley, it’s been like someone’s screamin’ it in my ear all night… It’s why I ain’t been sleepin’ much, ‘less I’m залить зенки...”
“What was it?”
“‘Where were you?’”
“Why the fuck would that of all things be what bounced around that pretty little head of yours?”
“Because that’s been the root’a the problem, if you’re askin’ me. I’ve been… Been consumed by my career’a late, Dani, an’ I ain’t plannin’ on makin’ any excuses for it. I know I ain’t been the best girlfriend, an’ I know I’ve been ебля up a lot more’n usual lately, an’ I… I just...”
“It’s okay, Ana. You can get it out. I ain’t gonna’ storm out on ya’, I’m just listenin’ right now.”
“Dani… Look. The more I think on it, the more what ya’ said plays in the back’a my mind every wakin’ moment… The more I realize I’ve been doin’ exactly what you said: takin’ you for granted. I ain’t gonna’ sit here an’ blame basically keepin’ you at an arm’s distance on Shawn or Amy or anythin’ like that, an’ I ain’t blamin’ you for it either… I’ve been takin’ you for granted an’ I ain’t got a single viable reason to. I’m sorry, Dani… Please know that… I know how involved with my career I am ain’t exactly a strong sellin’ point for my ability to keep a relationship healthy, but Dani, I swear to you I’m gonna’ do better. There ain’t a single piece’a me that ain’t willin’ to give everythin’ I’ve got to make this work with you. You bein’ gone lately, it’s made me realize just how much I ain’t even have the faintest clue ‘bout how I’d do this all without you.”
It is now Sara’s turn to try to maintain her composure in the face of her eyes watering rapidly.
“My career is important to me, as you know. Obviously. It’s so important to who I am as a person right now that… That I ain’t exactly positive who I’d be without it. That’s a thought that ain’t tickle me one bit, to tell ya’ the truth. An’ when I was lyin’ there realizin’ I ain’t positive ‘bout who I am anymore without this business, an’ at the same time I couldn’t tell ya’ the first thing ‘bout livin’ without you... It made me realize that if I’m not willin’ to make some changes, I’m gonna’ turn into someone I ain’t even recognize. What I’m gettin’ at, Dani, is that while my career is one’a the most important things in my life? You’re more important.”
At this point, Daniels’s jaw is damn near on the floor. If not for the bed below them, a bruise would already form from the abrupt hanging agape of her jaw as she cannot believe her ears. Suddenly, her mouth becomes quite dry and her brow furrows, unable to process a solution quickly enough before Ana continues.
“I ain’t sayin’ it’s gonna’ be easy, but… But what I am sayin’ is that right now, as I’m tryin’ to make these changes, I ain’t ready to give up on my career an’ I ain’t givin’ up on us... So what I want… Is… I want you to give me a chance here, Dani. I want you to start accompanyin’ me to the ring for my matches, my fights, anythin’ an’ everythin’ I gotta’ do out there… You bein’ part’a my career again? It’d mean the world to me, an’ I think havin’ you by my side for all’a the ins an’ outs’a the business? I think it’d give us a chance’a gettin’ back on the same page, ‘a bein’ closer’n ever before. I know I ain’t been doin’ my part in this relationship, but this gives me the best chance to change that... So what do ya’ say? What’re ya’ thinkin’?”
Once more, silence speaks volumes in this moment. Daniels swallows, though the dryness in her throat and mouth make this uncomfortable and her discomfort only increases her stress. She remains quiet for a moment or two, thinking deeply as Ana waits impatiently, a frog in her throat and her heart, which it seems she might actually have, in her stomach.
“I think there’s gotta’ be more to it if this is gonna’ work, Ana. I’m more than willin’ to have your back like that, but if I’m gonna’ do it I’m gonna’ need certain… Assurances. I don’t fuckin’ know what to call ‘em, but… If I’m gonna’ do this? If we’re gonna’ do this shit? Then send the Somnia Camp home... Artem, Sora, Abram, KP— all of ‘em. Send ‘em home an’ let’s do this fuckin’ thing you an’ me.”
“Done.”
No hesitation. Ana’s immediate agreement catches Sara off guard, but she had not been finished speaking when Westen had agreed.
“But I ain’t... Sendin’ the boys home, it’s not like it’s some insignificant shit, I know that… But shit, it’s just not enough. If we’re gonna’d o this, Ana? You’re gonna’ have to cut that cutesy bullshit with Jon the fuck out. You want me by your side? You wanna’ do this shit for real? Then it’s you an’ me, an’ that’s it.”
“You… You don’t want me an’ Jon bein’ friends anymore? You’re tellin’ me you ain’t havin’ fun every time the three of us go out together?”
“Nah, not what I’m fuckin’ sayin’.”
“Then I just ain’t understandin’ you.”
“The flirting. I’m sick of that shit, Ana. You know what it’s like watchin’ the woman you love flirt with someone else? That shit fuckin’ sucks.”
“I didn’t know you were feelin’ like that… You gotta’ know he an’ I are only ever jokin’ around, right? Are you… Are you jealous?”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Of course I’m jealous. Why wouldn’t I be? After everythin’ I just said to you how aren’t you gettin’ it? I ain’t fuckin’ sharin’ you, not with anyone, Ana. You wanna’ flirt with someone? I’m gonna’ be standin’ right next to ya’. I’m not batshit crazy, y’know. I’m not the kinda’ girlfriend to tell ya’ who ya’ can or can’t spend your time with… The kinda’ girlfriend I am is the kinda’ girlfriend to tell ya’ my boundaries, an’ if you’re not willin’ to respect ‘em? Then I ain’t a girlfriend at all. An’ after everythin’ I just told you, you gotta’ know that there ain’t anythin’ in this world I’d rather be than with you. What’s it gonna’ be?”
Westen has no choice but to contemplate the ultimatum silently. At first, her temper flares up in the pit of her stomach, not appreciating being offered an ultimatum; but sooner than later, her temper subsides and she draws a long, deep breath through her nose. With this wealth of oxygen in her lungs, she sets to work at reexamining her perspective. Eventually, she nods her head and turns to Sara with a mostly stoic expression on her face, clearly no longer viewing it as an ultimatum, but a compromise.
“Okay. If that’s what it’s gonna’ take to make things right an’ to have you back in my place, my bed, my arms... Then it ain’t a question. I love you, Dani. More’n you know... But I’m gonna’ make sure ya’ do know from here on in. ”
Barely having a chance to get her last syllables out of her mouth, Westen is surprised by Sara Daniels reaching out, clasping a hand around the back of her neck, and pulling her into a warm and uncharacteristically affectionate embrace, their lips pressing together and through their skin courses the same electricity to which Daniels had referred when touching on their dynamic when they first got together. Ana glides her hand up Sara’s back and places it behind Sara’s neck much like Sara’s own rests behind Westen’s, prompting Daniels to bring her other hand up, holding the side of Ana’s face. Their passionate embrace grows more involved and Westen quickly sets out to unwrap her birthday present: One Stiff Bitch.
“Nope. Get right back on in bed. You’re not goin’ anywhere yet.”
As she furrows her brow in puzzlement, Westen tilts her head slightly to the side to further illustrate her confusion. Considering how recently she had awoken from her drunken hibernation, her state of misunderstanding is not surprising. Daniels pulls a small table over to the side of the bed and then moves the tray of breakfast foods and beverages from the dresser to the table for ease of access. She hops into the bed beside Ana before curling up against her with a small smile.
“Happy birthday, любовь.”
Westen’s eyes instantly flick to meet Sara’s gaze upon Daniels’s usage of Ana’s family’s native language, an uncommon occurrence and incredibly welcomed at the moment. It is hereafter wherein Westen and Daniels dive mouths-first into the feast of a birthday breakfast, heavy on the bacon. By the time either woman is content to conclude their meal, there is barely anything remaining on the tray, save for the flower still resting in the center, and both women slide back onto the bed to recline, digest, and relax a bit before getting their day together truly started. Before long, however, their digestive-inspired silence allows their minds to drift off into thought. Eventually, Ana turns to Sara and grimaces, perceiving the dismay creeping across Daniels’s fair features to be an understanding of what is to come next.
“Thank you for breakfast, моя муза,” she says. “It was amazin’, an’ unexpected, too. Just sittin’ here with you, eatin’ that breakfast, an’ now lyin’ here next to you, it… It makes me think there ain’t any better a time for us to… Talk. You promised me we could talk ‘bout it all today, an’ I wanna’ talk about it right now. It ain’t been easy without you the last couple’a weeks, Dani. It’s given me a lotta’ time to think, an’ right now we’re both calm an’ relaxed… Will ya’ talk to me about this? Please?”
It is now Sara’s turn to grimace, allowing herself to contemplate for perhaps a moment too long, as Somnia’s face grows dire and her eyes drift away from Sara. Daniels soon sighs softly and takes Ana’s hand in her own, meeting her eye-line to respond.
“Aight, we can talk about it right now; but, Ana?” Her eyebrow lifts as Somnia waits for Sara to say what she needs to say. “You gotta’ let me go first an’ you gotta’ let me say everythin’ I gotta’ say...”
Ana nods in response, not offering anything in the way of a verbal acknowledgement. Her silence beckons to Daniels to simply get everything off of her chest that she needs to get out of her system, and she hastily obliges.
“I ain’t the kinda’ girl to ever let anyone in. You knew that from the start, but you didn’t give a shit. From the very beginnin’, Ana, you were different. I could say whatever to you, do whatever to you, an’ no matter what either of us did, I couldn’t get enough. It was like my skin vibrated just from bein’ around you or somethin’, an’ I pushed through everythin’ I got goin’ on in my own head to be with you, to let you in… An’ no matter what kinda’ fights we’ve gotten into, be ‘em throwin’ fists through each other’s gorgeous mugs or us gettin’ into it over somethin’ an’ one of us storms out… No matter what it was, you an’ me? We’ve made it through it. The two of us are fuckin’ bitchin’ in the ring, in the octagon, the cage, or wherever we’re fightin’... An’ since you an’ I got together, it’s felt like we could be even stronger together than we ever were apart. But...”
The pause Sara takes after this transitionary utterance supplies foreboding to the impending sentiment, sending a chill down Ana’s spine.
“I don’t know what it is, but lately? Lately things ain’t been that great. It’s not like I love ya’ any less or anythin’ like that, it’s just… Whether it’s been what’s goin’ on for you in the ring in any of these companies you’re competin’ for, the flirty bullshit ‘tween you an’ Jon, or even just the way you’ve been takin’ me for granted, it’s felt… Different. An’ I’m not talkin’ ‘bout the kinda’ different that you were when we found each other...”
Thankfully for Westen, there are no cameras in sight to record her eyes as they well up. She blinks to try to maintain her composure as Sara continues.
“I love you, Ana… I just don’t want us to keep goin’ down this path we seem to be on. I want us to get back to bein’ us... You’ve felt like a completely different fuckin’ person these last few months… Colder, more distant… An’ I feel like such a pussy for sayin’ all of this, much less thinkin’ or feelin’ it… But I can’t keep doin’ this with you without you knowin’ where I’m at.”
“Why’s it soundin’ like you’re workin’ toward breakin’ up with me?”
“I’m not, Ana, c’mon... That’s all I needed to say, though… So if you’ve got anythin’ to say, now’s the time.”
Ana nods and looks away for a moment, not realizing she has lifted her outside hand to press her knuckles into her lips and chin in contemplation. The longer she sits there thinking, the more nervous Sara grows, which, in turn, serves only to stress Westen out further. After doing her best to block out Daniels’s demeanor from her peripheral, Ana nods her head and turns back to her girlfriend. With a frog in her throat, Ana offers a soft, almost inaudible response.
“You’re right.”
Sara furrows her brow.
“I said I’ve been doin’ a whole lotta’ thinkin’ on it lately, Dani, an’ I meant it. Somethin’ you said the night you left before Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em, it… It stuck with me. Every night you’ve been gone since what happened with Hayley, it’s been like someone’s screamin’ it in my ear all night… It’s why I ain’t been sleepin’ much, ‘less I’m залить зенки...”
“What was it?”
“‘Where were you?’”
“Why the fuck would that of all things be what bounced around that pretty little head of yours?”
“Because that’s been the root’a the problem, if you’re askin’ me. I’ve been… Been consumed by my career’a late, Dani, an’ I ain’t plannin’ on makin’ any excuses for it. I know I ain’t been the best girlfriend, an’ I know I’ve been ебля up a lot more’n usual lately, an’ I… I just...”
“It’s okay, Ana. You can get it out. I ain’t gonna’ storm out on ya’, I’m just listenin’ right now.”
“Dani… Look. The more I think on it, the more what ya’ said plays in the back’a my mind every wakin’ moment… The more I realize I’ve been doin’ exactly what you said: takin’ you for granted. I ain’t gonna’ sit here an’ blame basically keepin’ you at an arm’s distance on Shawn or Amy or anythin’ like that, an’ I ain’t blamin’ you for it either… I’ve been takin’ you for granted an’ I ain’t got a single viable reason to. I’m sorry, Dani… Please know that… I know how involved with my career I am ain’t exactly a strong sellin’ point for my ability to keep a relationship healthy, but Dani, I swear to you I’m gonna’ do better. There ain’t a single piece’a me that ain’t willin’ to give everythin’ I’ve got to make this work with you. You bein’ gone lately, it’s made me realize just how much I ain’t even have the faintest clue ‘bout how I’d do this all without you.”
It is now Sara’s turn to try to maintain her composure in the face of her eyes watering rapidly.
“My career is important to me, as you know. Obviously. It’s so important to who I am as a person right now that… That I ain’t exactly positive who I’d be without it. That’s a thought that ain’t tickle me one bit, to tell ya’ the truth. An’ when I was lyin’ there realizin’ I ain’t positive ‘bout who I am anymore without this business, an’ at the same time I couldn’t tell ya’ the first thing ‘bout livin’ without you... It made me realize that if I’m not willin’ to make some changes, I’m gonna’ turn into someone I ain’t even recognize. What I’m gettin’ at, Dani, is that while my career is one’a the most important things in my life? You’re more important.”
At this point, Daniels’s jaw is damn near on the floor. If not for the bed below them, a bruise would already form from the abrupt hanging agape of her jaw as she cannot believe her ears. Suddenly, her mouth becomes quite dry and her brow furrows, unable to process a solution quickly enough before Ana continues.
“I ain’t sayin’ it’s gonna’ be easy, but… But what I am sayin’ is that right now, as I’m tryin’ to make these changes, I ain’t ready to give up on my career an’ I ain’t givin’ up on us... So what I want… Is… I want you to give me a chance here, Dani. I want you to start accompanyin’ me to the ring for my matches, my fights, anythin’ an’ everythin’ I gotta’ do out there… You bein’ part’a my career again? It’d mean the world to me, an’ I think havin’ you by my side for all’a the ins an’ outs’a the business? I think it’d give us a chance’a gettin’ back on the same page, ‘a bein’ closer’n ever before. I know I ain’t been doin’ my part in this relationship, but this gives me the best chance to change that... So what do ya’ say? What’re ya’ thinkin’?”
Once more, silence speaks volumes in this moment. Daniels swallows, though the dryness in her throat and mouth make this uncomfortable and her discomfort only increases her stress. She remains quiet for a moment or two, thinking deeply as Ana waits impatiently, a frog in her throat and her heart, which it seems she might actually have, in her stomach.
“I think there’s gotta’ be more to it if this is gonna’ work, Ana. I’m more than willin’ to have your back like that, but if I’m gonna’ do it I’m gonna’ need certain… Assurances. I don’t fuckin’ know what to call ‘em, but… If I’m gonna’ do this? If we’re gonna’ do this shit? Then send the Somnia Camp home... Artem, Sora, Abram, KP— all of ‘em. Send ‘em home an’ let’s do this fuckin’ thing you an’ me.”
“Done.”
No hesitation. Ana’s immediate agreement catches Sara off guard, but she had not been finished speaking when Westen had agreed.
“But I ain’t... Sendin’ the boys home, it’s not like it’s some insignificant shit, I know that… But shit, it’s just not enough. If we’re gonna’d o this, Ana? You’re gonna’ have to cut that cutesy bullshit with Jon the fuck out. You want me by your side? You wanna’ do this shit for real? Then it’s you an’ me, an’ that’s it.”
“You… You don’t want me an’ Jon bein’ friends anymore? You’re tellin’ me you ain’t havin’ fun every time the three of us go out together?”
“Nah, not what I’m fuckin’ sayin’.”
“Then I just ain’t understandin’ you.”
“The flirting. I’m sick of that shit, Ana. You know what it’s like watchin’ the woman you love flirt with someone else? That shit fuckin’ sucks.”
“I didn’t know you were feelin’ like that… You gotta’ know he an’ I are only ever jokin’ around, right? Are you… Are you jealous?”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Of course I’m jealous. Why wouldn’t I be? After everythin’ I just said to you how aren’t you gettin’ it? I ain’t fuckin’ sharin’ you, not with anyone, Ana. You wanna’ flirt with someone? I’m gonna’ be standin’ right next to ya’. I’m not batshit crazy, y’know. I’m not the kinda’ girlfriend to tell ya’ who ya’ can or can’t spend your time with… The kinda’ girlfriend I am is the kinda’ girlfriend to tell ya’ my boundaries, an’ if you’re not willin’ to respect ‘em? Then I ain’t a girlfriend at all. An’ after everythin’ I just told you, you gotta’ know that there ain’t anythin’ in this world I’d rather be than with you. What’s it gonna’ be?”
Westen has no choice but to contemplate the ultimatum silently. At first, her temper flares up in the pit of her stomach, not appreciating being offered an ultimatum; but sooner than later, her temper subsides and she draws a long, deep breath through her nose. With this wealth of oxygen in her lungs, she sets to work at reexamining her perspective. Eventually, she nods her head and turns to Sara with a mostly stoic expression on her face, clearly no longer viewing it as an ultimatum, but a compromise.
“Okay. If that’s what it’s gonna’ take to make things right an’ to have you back in my place, my bed, my arms... Then it ain’t a question. I love you, Dani. More’n you know... But I’m gonna’ make sure ya’ do know from here on in. ”
Barely having a chance to get her last syllables out of her mouth, Westen is surprised by Sara Daniels reaching out, clasping a hand around the back of her neck, and pulling her into a warm and uncharacteristically affectionate embrace, their lips pressing together and through their skin courses the same electricity to which Daniels had referred when touching on their dynamic when they first got together. Ana glides her hand up Sara’s back and places it behind Sara’s neck much like Sara’s own rests behind Westen’s, prompting Daniels to bring her other hand up, holding the side of Ana’s face. Their passionate embrace grows more involved and Westen quickly sets out to unwrap her birthday present: One Stiff Bitch.
