RP Feedback Please :D

[caseybond]

I have posted my return RP, and was wanting some feedback from as many as possible. I haven't RP'ed in like a year, so I'm not sure if it's as good as I think it is. Here's the link: ehwfv2.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ppvrps&action=display&thread=2841&page=1

Give it a read when you can please

[Deleted]

As of right now, I have not read your work but I have done a mere skim of your rp. A few things that stood out to me that annoyed me was the constant color change and I found myself going all the way back to the top just to remember what color meant want. The thing with the epic return really aggravated me. I think it being mentioned as the title and just once more in the begining is enough, but not before every scene. The colors just really annoyed the shit out of me. Another thing is the scene length. Now, I know it's always qualify not quantity, but six scenes and most of them seem to be less than five paragraphs. That bugged me a shit ton. I'd say cut the number of scenes and just lengthen the scenes. If you have a one paragraph description for a scene that just can piss the reader off. If the writer can only get out a simple paragraph out of the scene it's better to scrap that paragraph and think of a different scene to write.

My overall outlook with a mere skim:
-The colors became an eye sore.
-I had to go up to the top a couple of times to the top to remember what was what.
-Scenes were very short.
-There was an overuse of scenes.
-Title before every scene was needless to say pointless.
-Single paragraph scenes were aggravating.
-Also, this is not mentioned above, but saying when the scene ended became annoying.

Suggestions
-Cut own on the use of colors. Substitute in a few dark colors and cut down the use of brighter colors.
-Simple layout and not one where people have to go to the top or a previous rp to remember the layout.
-Really lengthen the scene.
-Cutdown to 1-3 scenes a rp over 6.
-Title at the top of the rp and title as the subject are good enough rather than a title before each scene.
-Single paragraph scenes should be avoided at all costs I feel as if they bring little interest and originality. If you are to do a single paragraph scene, show actions in the scene that will reflect to your character's behavior later in the rp or those to come. Remember storyline in your rp brings in readers. Trust me, a little storyline goes a long way.
-Instead of saying, "scene ends" I think this shown under is much easier for the reader and is faster and easier on the writer.


He walks off of camera, leaving the fans, the interviewer, and the rest of the staff, stunned in the superatars determination and heart set on the match.
---

I find the dotted lines or solid black line to be easier and faster on the writer and reader.

That is my feedback for now, I'm no expert just remember. I'm only 14 and have a little experience. If you would like, review some of the current superstar's work from the past in the past month or so. It will give you hopefully ideas for storylines in your rp and hopefully you figure out and understand what you are to be competing with. I hope my feedback helped and I will fully read the rp what I have the chance to.