Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2017 20:34:45 GMT -5
In light of the unconfirmed news concerning the potential of EHWF Owner/CEO Michael Rissi coming out of retirement to face Executive Representative/EHWF Anarchy General Manager Joshua Samson Esquire in a wrestling match at the company's June pay-per-view, Aces High, Backstage Rumbling has managed to secure the video footage of Samson's foray into the ring last year with the independent company Underground Zero.
View the full UGZ Supercard "Vendetta" by click HERE
Courtesy of Underground Zero
Courtesy of the intro, and the distraction caused by Lady Munin's surprise arrival, Chris Trainer has already made his way to the the Lion's Den, and is warmed up and ready to go. He turns towards the entrance and awaits the arrival of Joshua Samson.
Torres: Ladies and Gentlemen, the first match tonight is the Lion's Den Match. This will be contested under MMA rules, which means that there must be a win by submission or knockout, or by the Judge's decision.
Crumb: Who are the Judges?
Nelson: Icon Kellar said we wouldn't need them...
Crumb: Oh... fair enough.
Torres: Introducing first, fighting out of Chula Vista, California... weighing 220lbs... Chris Richards!!!!
The crowd give Richards a decent ovation as he warms up in the ring.
Crumb: I think this may be a good time for us to share our fondest memories of Joshua… since it’s unlikely there’ll be anymore.
Nelson: That’s a little cold, I mean he isn’t dead yet.
Crumb: Emphasis on the “yet”
A magnificent overblown fanfare fills the arena, worthy of an attending Head of State, or an Emperor, and all eyes turn towards the arena entrance.
Torres: And his opponent, fighting out of Ft.Irwin, California...respresenting the Samson Family...weighing 169lbs… Joshua Samson!!!!
Crumb: Fun trivia, Joshua is the exact same height and weight as the Hollywood actor Seann William Scott...
Nelson: Someone's been doing research.
The doors slide aside, and suddenly…
Nelson: Oh…
Crumb: What the hell is he wearing?
Enter Joshua Samson, or what we assume is Joshua Samson. Frankly, it’s a little hard to tell under the hockey goalkeeper pads on top of the American football pads on top of what must be at least three layers of padded lycra… and all of it topped off with what is most likely the entire contents of Joshua Samson’s closet.
The finishing touch? A football helmet with a hockey mask strapped to the front. The Stooges are audibly trying to contain their laughter. The camera catches Lady Munin dying of laughter at the sight.
Crumb: It’s like the Michelin Man, Jason Voorhees and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man had a really hideous baby that became a sports star…
Nelson: One might almost think Samson was not entirely confident about the outcome of this match…
Samson waddles down to the ring to a chorus of boos, and various unpleasant names being shouted his way, most of them comparing him to a part of the female anatomy.
Crumb: He looks ridiculous… and he’s still going to get his ass handed to him.
Samson reaches the steps into the Lion’s Den, and slowly climbs the steps until he’s inside.
Crumb: Well… we might as well have the tale of the tape…
Crumb: Yeah, basically Joshua’s going to die…
Nelson: Well, actually…
MATCH 1
CHRIS RICHARDS
V
JOSHUA SAMSON
LION'S DEN MATCH - MMA RULES - 3 ROUNDS
Samson stands and faces Richards, who is visibly NOT amused by this turn of events. He rolls his eyes and strides towards Samson as the bell sounds.
Nelson: Joshua Samson… it was nice knowing you.
As Richards gets closer, Samson stands his ground. Richards grabs the mask and pulls it off of Samson. Samson stands his ground still, and laughs.
Crumb: Nervous laughter?
Nelson: Must be.
Richards shakes his head and tightens the strap on his glove before drawing back. Suddenly, and very visibly, Samson regrets all of the choices that have led him to this moment, and he turns and runs (waddles) away. The crowd boo and laugh in equal measure as Samson waddles over to the door of the Lions Den and begs for it to be opened.
Nelson: There is a no escape rule in this match Samson… it is knockouts and submissions only…
Richards calmly walks up behind Samson who realises that his opponent is getting closer and waddles away, moving as fast as he can. Richards shrugs and simply “chases” him, never getting above a brisk walk as he does. Samson and Richards “run” a circuit of the den. In the audience Lady Munin shakes her head in amusement.
Crumb: Oh come on Joshua… think about your dignity here… try and take it like a man!
Samson continues to run. In desperation he removes his helmet and throws it at Richards, who calmly sidesteps it and keeps following him. Next come the Hockey pads.
Nelson: Look at this…
Crumb: Hey! #RIPSamson is trending!!!
Samson continues to run around the ring in a circle, but now that he’s shedding weight as he runs he’s able to quicken his pace. He’s now down almost to the lycra as Richards narrowly avoids a flying shin pad.
Nelson: This is getting embarrassing.
Crumb: Getting? Patrick we crossed that line a while ago…
Richards is getting fed up of chasing Samson in circles by this point, especially as the commentator appears to be quickening his step. So, he stops. Unfortunately Samson is utterly ignorant of this fact until it is too late, allow Richards to simply step to one side and trip Samson as he continues to run. Samson falls onto the mat, and starts crawling away.
Nelson: Well, the chase is over.
Richards approaches Samson, who at this point is pressed up against the cage. Richards grabs him by the chest and raises his hand to land the first punch, when Samson starts tapping on the mat. The referee immediately calls for the bell.
Nelson: WHAT???!!
Crumb: THAT’S IT??!!?!?!!?
The referee separates Richards from Samson, and the MMA trainer cannot believe it. The crowd boo loudly as Samson sits and laughs, knowing that Richards cannot now put his hands on him. The referee helps him to his feet and takes both men to the centre of the ring.
Crowd: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!
Nelson: Well... we are off to a good start...
Torres: Ladies and Gentlemen... the referee has called a stop to this contest after 1 minute 45 seconds of the very first round... declaring the winner by submission... CHRIS RICHARDS!!!!
Nelson: In fairness, that is about 1 minute and 42 seconds longer than anyone thought Samson would last...
Richards shakes his head as the referee raises his hand. Samson laughs, having escaped a beating. Irritated, Richards snarls and lunges towards him, prompting Samson to SPRINT as fast as his padded legs will carry him and throw himself through the newly opened den door. The sight of Samson making a break for freedom wins over the angry crowd somewhat, as Richards shakes his head.
Nelson: Well… I would not call that a match but… that is the first match.
Crumb: A profound disappointment to everyone as Joshua escapes his deserved fate.
Nelson: Well as the Lion's Den is raised back up to the ceiling… we are joined by our colleague, fresh from his stunning performance.
Samson: Move over Crumbbu… hey... where’s my seat?
Nelson: To be honest Samson, we did not think you would need it tonight…
Crumb: Funny that…
Samson: Hey is that Lady Itty Bitty over there?
Crumb: How did you miss her?
Samson: I was backstage, warming up.
Crumb: ...why? worried you'd get a stitch from all the running?
Samson: SHADDAP!!!
Nelson: We are going to take it backstage where it seems that Jason…
Crumb: Hey…those are my nachos, Joshua!
Samson: Shaddup and give me some!
Nelson: … Nevermind. Take it away, Jason.
View the full UGZ Supercard "Vendetta" by click HERE
Courtesy of Underground Zero
Courtesy of the intro, and the distraction caused by Lady Munin's surprise arrival, Chris Trainer has already made his way to the the Lion's Den, and is warmed up and ready to go. He turns towards the entrance and awaits the arrival of Joshua Samson.
Torres: Ladies and Gentlemen, the first match tonight is the Lion's Den Match. This will be contested under MMA rules, which means that there must be a win by submission or knockout, or by the Judge's decision.
Crumb: Who are the Judges?
Nelson: Icon Kellar said we wouldn't need them...
Crumb: Oh... fair enough.
Torres: Introducing first, fighting out of Chula Vista, California... weighing 220lbs... Chris Richards!!!!
The crowd give Richards a decent ovation as he warms up in the ring.
Crumb: I think this may be a good time for us to share our fondest memories of Joshua… since it’s unlikely there’ll be anymore.
Nelson: That’s a little cold, I mean he isn’t dead yet.
Crumb: Emphasis on the “yet”
A magnificent overblown fanfare fills the arena, worthy of an attending Head of State, or an Emperor, and all eyes turn towards the arena entrance.
Torres: And his opponent, fighting out of Ft.Irwin, California...respresenting the Samson Family...weighing 169lbs… Joshua Samson!!!!
Crumb: Fun trivia, Joshua is the exact same height and weight as the Hollywood actor Seann William Scott...
Nelson: Someone's been doing research.
The doors slide aside, and suddenly…
Nelson: Oh…
Crumb: What the hell is he wearing?
Enter Joshua Samson, or what we assume is Joshua Samson. Frankly, it’s a little hard to tell under the hockey goalkeeper pads on top of the American football pads on top of what must be at least three layers of padded lycra… and all of it topped off with what is most likely the entire contents of Joshua Samson’s closet.
The finishing touch? A football helmet with a hockey mask strapped to the front. The Stooges are audibly trying to contain their laughter. The camera catches Lady Munin dying of laughter at the sight.
Crumb: It’s like the Michelin Man, Jason Voorhees and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man had a really hideous baby that became a sports star…
Nelson: One might almost think Samson was not entirely confident about the outcome of this match…
Samson waddles down to the ring to a chorus of boos, and various unpleasant names being shouted his way, most of them comparing him to a part of the female anatomy.
Crumb: He looks ridiculous… and he’s still going to get his ass handed to him.
Samson reaches the steps into the Lion’s Den, and slowly climbs the steps until he’s inside.
Crumb: Well… we might as well have the tale of the tape…
Crumb: Yeah, basically Joshua’s going to die…
Nelson: Well, actually…
MATCH 1
CHRIS RICHARDS
V
JOSHUA SAMSON
LION'S DEN MATCH - MMA RULES - 3 ROUNDS
Samson stands and faces Richards, who is visibly NOT amused by this turn of events. He rolls his eyes and strides towards Samson as the bell sounds.
Nelson: Joshua Samson… it was nice knowing you.
As Richards gets closer, Samson stands his ground. Richards grabs the mask and pulls it off of Samson. Samson stands his ground still, and laughs.
Crumb: Nervous laughter?
Nelson: Must be.
Richards shakes his head and tightens the strap on his glove before drawing back. Suddenly, and very visibly, Samson regrets all of the choices that have led him to this moment, and he turns and runs (waddles) away. The crowd boo and laugh in equal measure as Samson waddles over to the door of the Lions Den and begs for it to be opened.
Nelson: There is a no escape rule in this match Samson… it is knockouts and submissions only…
Richards calmly walks up behind Samson who realises that his opponent is getting closer and waddles away, moving as fast as he can. Richards shrugs and simply “chases” him, never getting above a brisk walk as he does. Samson and Richards “run” a circuit of the den. In the audience Lady Munin shakes her head in amusement.
Crumb: Oh come on Joshua… think about your dignity here… try and take it like a man!
Samson continues to run. In desperation he removes his helmet and throws it at Richards, who calmly sidesteps it and keeps following him. Next come the Hockey pads.
Nelson: Look at this…
Crumb: Hey! #RIPSamson is trending!!!
Samson continues to run around the ring in a circle, but now that he’s shedding weight as he runs he’s able to quicken his pace. He’s now down almost to the lycra as Richards narrowly avoids a flying shin pad.
Nelson: This is getting embarrassing.
Crumb: Getting? Patrick we crossed that line a while ago…
Richards is getting fed up of chasing Samson in circles by this point, especially as the commentator appears to be quickening his step. So, he stops. Unfortunately Samson is utterly ignorant of this fact until it is too late, allow Richards to simply step to one side and trip Samson as he continues to run. Samson falls onto the mat, and starts crawling away.
Nelson: Well, the chase is over.
Richards approaches Samson, who at this point is pressed up against the cage. Richards grabs him by the chest and raises his hand to land the first punch, when Samson starts tapping on the mat. The referee immediately calls for the bell.
Nelson: WHAT???!!
Crumb: THAT’S IT??!!?!?!!?
The referee separates Richards from Samson, and the MMA trainer cannot believe it. The crowd boo loudly as Samson sits and laughs, knowing that Richards cannot now put his hands on him. The referee helps him to his feet and takes both men to the centre of the ring.
Crowd: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!
Nelson: Well... we are off to a good start...
Torres: Ladies and Gentlemen... the referee has called a stop to this contest after 1 minute 45 seconds of the very first round... declaring the winner by submission... CHRIS RICHARDS!!!!
Nelson: In fairness, that is about 1 minute and 42 seconds longer than anyone thought Samson would last...
Richards shakes his head as the referee raises his hand. Samson laughs, having escaped a beating. Irritated, Richards snarls and lunges towards him, prompting Samson to SPRINT as fast as his padded legs will carry him and throw himself through the newly opened den door. The sight of Samson making a break for freedom wins over the angry crowd somewhat, as Richards shakes his head.
Nelson: Well… I would not call that a match but… that is the first match.
Crumb: A profound disappointment to everyone as Joshua escapes his deserved fate.
Nelson: Well as the Lion's Den is raised back up to the ceiling… we are joined by our colleague, fresh from his stunning performance.
Samson: Move over Crumbbu… hey... where’s my seat?
Nelson: To be honest Samson, we did not think you would need it tonight…
Crumb: Funny that…
Samson: Hey is that Lady Itty Bitty over there?
Crumb: How did you miss her?
Samson: I was backstage, warming up.
Crumb: ...why? worried you'd get a stitch from all the running?
Samson: SHADDAP!!!
Nelson: We are going to take it backstage where it seems that Jason…
Crumb: Hey…those are my nachos, Joshua!
Samson: Shaddup and give me some!
Nelson: … Nevermind. Take it away, Jason.