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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 19:06:41 GMT -5
Again hit me.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 15:44:16 GMT -5
Who's In Control?I've been getting feedback on this from people today and I am looking to see what you think I can improve on. I feel there are a few weak points in it. Hit it with a fine toothed comb.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 15:46:56 GMT -5
On deck:
Complex
Savannah
Silver Kazama Ryan Morgan I'll get to these as soon as I finish the Fav Lines.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 18:07:40 GMT -5
Might as well hit my second S&S RP..
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 23:13:44 GMT -5
Promo: Scars Of Battle Handler: Savannah Overview Thoughts: Savannah picking it up after last week. Promo Breakdown Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 5 Flow: 4 Shoot: 3 Match Relevancy: 5 Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 Critical Review:
You have a pretty good skeleton for an RP here. The interactions between Savannah and Velvet Gray are interesting. It sets up a good scenario for the shoot. I would like to hear a better description of the areas you're in. I know you're at a gym or whatnot, but describing the scene around you really helps to put the reader in your piece, making them more engaged with your character and what she's doing. The shoot you have is pretty good but you could do with expanding on the content a little. Also, I noticed one line that didn't really jive with me and that was "It's just that, after studying all the guys I'm up against...well, I'm not in a position to make personal threats..." What happened here was you just made your character look really weak to the match judge. They're reading this and thinking "Well, why does she deserve the win if she can't do the one thing that wrestlers are supposed to do in their shoots." Threatening is all part of the shoot. You have to make the reader believe that there is no doubt you're going to win. Suggestions: - Work on the scene description in your promos. It goes a long way. - Shoot is where it's at in your promo. The more of it you have, the better you're going to look. #Alpha
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 23:26:28 GMT -5
Who's In Control?I've been getting feedback on this from people today and I am looking to see what you think I can improve on. I feel there are a few weak points in it. Hit it with a fine toothed comb. Promo: Who's In Control? Handler: Silver Kazama Overview Thoughts: Blown away. Promo Breakdown Scene Description: 5 Character Development: 5 Flow: 5 Shoot: 5 Match Relevancy: 5 Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 Critical Review:
Wow. Just wow. This promo was absolutely perfect. I know you want me to hit you with some negative feedback but honestly...I couldn't find a single thing wrong with this promo. You won the World Championship for a reason and that's because this promo was just that damn good. I know we've already had a cbox chat about this promo but I just wanted to post it here so everyone knows how beast you are. Guys, if you want to win matches, read Silver Kazama promos and learn from one of the fucking best writers in this fed. Suggestions: - I know you feel like you have to top this promo all the time, but this piece was for the World Championship. Take it easy on your Mayhem promos because you're allowed too. When you feel the pressure of the championship match, this are the kind of promos you'll be able to bust out.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 23:43:42 GMT -5
Might as well hit my second S&S RP.. Promo: DGS: Pay Attention, Bitch Handler: Ryan Morgan (Rain) Overview Thoughts: A "so-so" RP for the world title. Promo Breakdown
Scene Description: 3 Character Development: 5 Flow: 3 Shoot: 3 Match Relevancy: 4 Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Critical Review:
I don't want to say this is a bad promo, because by all means it's not. I just want to say it was kind of a "so-so" effort for a World Championship match. The monologue at the beginning was pretty sweet. I liked it and it did all of your character development in the beginning of the piece with match relevancy mixed in. You did the right thing and dedicated the rest of the piece to shoot. The only problem was you didn't really set up your scenes after this so we have no idea where your character is standing or anything. All we can imagine is Ryan standing in a black room. The one thing that was wrong with the shoot was you brought up all of these great things such as Silver being a "can not" and will probably lace up his boots for the last time. If you expanded on that by bringing up specific failures of his, you could have really nailed him to the wall with it. Suggestions: - Explore that content in your shoot. If you bring something up, you better have the deetz to back it up. - Set up your scene with a little description. It can go a long way.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2014 6:02:58 GMT -5
#Forgotten
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2014 10:13:43 GMT -5
Don't know if I dare now! (I fight for you.)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2014 13:03:02 GMT -5
Lol, I didn't forget you, I promise. I just knocked these other guys out first. I'll probably hit yours up later tonight.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2014 22:38:33 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 19:52:50 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 20:06:16 GMT -5
Sorry I haven't been doing this for a while guys. I'll start up a new round with Savannah if anyone is interested?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 20:16:10 GMT -5
Promo: Battle of the Sexes Handler: Savannah Overview Thoughts: Very match-relevant piece but doesn't offer much in the way of character development. Promo Breakdown Scene Description: 4 Character Development: 2 Flow: 3 Shoot: 3 Match Relevancy: 5 Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Critical Review: The one thing I can see that you can use to really set Savannah apart from the other members of the roster is her personality. I feel like if we get Savannah out of that gym and out into the world, we'll all see a different side of her that can get us really invested in the character. On the JR level you're on right now, you can quickly rise up and nab yourself a JR Heavyweight Championship match. Just shine some light on your character and let us see the side of Savannah we don't know. Suggestions: - Above points. - Keep up the good work with everything else!!! I can tell you've been working on them.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 22:42:54 GMT -5
Me now: p
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2014 22:37:58 GMT -5
Fuck it. My 'The Good Son' RP. Just posted it
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 18:19:55 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 19:36:39 GMT -5
Allow me. FUCKING AMAZING! as per the pm I sent u. I loved every fucking word. If I don't get a second up and it stays 1 each, game over. You win. Fucking amazing work David.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 21:50:27 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 23:23:39 GMT -5
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